first time with my Dad in English

Allah
I kept hearing the words everyday. 5 times a days. I am not allowed to enter the place. Only the privileged, men, are allowed. My father has told me. I want to know what type of men is the superior one. That’s why I once asked my father. What kinds of men are the devoted worshipers to the superior one? I asked my father that all men who worship the superior one are the privileged Men? He nodded his head.

When I was young, I grow up in this kind of environment. Have seen the day-to-day lifestyle and found out the goods and the bad. For example, men who shows disrespect to the religion. Dislike was the men who practice polygamy. I am a woman. Since I am a woman, I am scare. What am I scare about? The life-style. Why? I don’t’ know, don’t ask. Then I become an adult woman. As I become a mature woman, I am more scared about the environment and the lifestyle. One day, I wonder I will be living in the same lifestyle.

Can you imagine living in my environment? Just imagine. Men get married, nothing's usual. What’s unusual is having many children. Then look for another wife and get formally married. Married to one man, both wives live in the same house. Can this work in a long term? Then get another wife. Some men married up to for wives. I heard that Women may share the food but not love. These words are unheard of in this environment. But they kept silence about it. Don’t have a right to say anything. Have many children. Why should they speak out? They confined and supported each other and cries. Because they are living the same lifestyle. Then ended with a jealousy. How do you feel? Every time, I heard about it and saw it, it scares me because I am also a woman.

Growing up, I was narrow minded. Since then I have tried to be more broaden. I attended University and major in Business. There, I had the opportunity to become friends with men from different cultural and back grounds. I envy being a man. But deep down, I am still scare about becoming a second wife. I tried not to think about it. But I can’t. Growing up in the environment, it wouldn’t be unusual for me. But I am not like others. I know it shouldn’t be happened. Why I know is Being a woman understand another woman. What would you feel if you were a woman? You will probably think like me, don't u. Then I have search for the love of my life. Found him and fall in love.

One day, I can not forget that day. January 8, beginning of this year. My father.. My father, I couldn’t speak it out. But I will tell you. Going shopping, near Junction 8 area, I dressed up, being a woman wants to be beautiful. When the lover sees her, he desired her. Then father and daughter went out together. My father drove. When we arrived at the Eight miles, he didn’t make a turn into Junction 8 and drove towards the buildings. He said he will stop by his friend’s house for a while. The house is in a quiet area. Do you know in building, people only mind their own business? They greeted us. Two orange sodas were offered to me and my father. I took a sip of the orange soda and felt a strange taste. But I like the taste of it. It is different than other Orange soda. Then I don’t know what happened. I looked around. Saw a bedroom. Am I home now? No. My clothes were messy and …
Oh oh., what’s happened? My father was sitting next to me. While I was thinking, my father spoke. It is father’s fault. Why’s wrong? My world has turned upside down. Father will take the responsibility. I have never heard of these words and didn’t expect coming from that person. Because I love you, my daughter. Do you love me the same way, my daughter? He tries to confine an answer to agree with him. I couldn’t reject or refuse. I lost the meaning of fatherhood. I’d settled with it. I was given opportunities and experiences and have my father taken away. But I can’t settle. When I realized what had happened, I cried my heart out. But I couldn’t cry. Why should I cry? Is it a stranger who violated me? No. The violator is my father. Since it is my father, should I go along with it? That’s not appropriate. I believed you didn’t expect this too. But what’s done is done. Where are my tears? If it is a stranger instead of the father, how would you punish the violator? Finished. My virginity (innocent) is gone.

Oh Allah, when you described the superior man, is he like the father. If we pray 5 times a day, do you allow this to happen? Even though worshiping you and then violate other human being, can this sin be wash away? Do you forgive the person? Oh Allah. Did you intentionally crate worries for women? Oh Allah, I don’t want to believe that you have taught us the animal behaviors? I want to respect you. Worshiping to you to be a genuine. It seems you are supporting it. Oh Allah, How many women and children went through the same experienced like I did. Reality to me comes and goes. My dreams and thinking are lost. And I think about mother, for mother, my future, Oh, I wanted to shout out loud for help but I only did it inside of me.
By Tony(USA)

A LETTER, WRITTEN WISTFULLY